Butterfly Cauldron

This should be a good time for me.

I just had my birthday.

Emmy is in the final stages of getting her Visa approved. She should (could) be here by Christmas.

I have a little money in the bank and nothing major going wrong requiring I spend it all.

All the tests that the doctors did on my last month came back perfectly normal. Aside from a severe Vitamin D deficency, I'm really healthy. My blood sugar and insulin levels were really amazing. My cholesteral and triglycerides were impressive. My doctor was really really pleased -- although it shot her theory that I was insulin resistant down in flames. (A healthy fat girl? Really? Is it possible?? Noooo!!)

I have a new anti-anxiety med that is working wonders for me.

I've reconnected with a couple college friends, so now my weekends are filled with Doing Things with People, instead of staying at home sleeping the days away.

It's really a good life, all told.

So why do I feel like crying?

Why do I feel like all I want to do is hide in my bed, away from people, away from the world and sleep? Just sleep. If I could get enough sleep, this feeling would stop.

I miss Emmy. It's this viceral, heart crushing thing. And she's sad and I can't help her. I can't make things better. I can't tell the people who are stressing her to back the fuck off. Stop thinking everything is about you and your oppression or your privelige or whatever the fuck we're calling it this week. Take your meds or go to church or have a drink or take a walk or play with fucking sock puppets, whatever it is you do that brings you back down to earth with the rest of us who are just fucking people, after all. Fucking people, just trying to get through all the hoops stupid fucking governments put in our way to keep us apart.

I look at this picture on my desk, here at work, that some stranger took of us in the airport at four in the morning just before Emmy had to leave. Again. And it hurts, because I want her here. Now. But if she can't be here, then I want her to be happy where she is and I know she's not and I know it gets worse every day and I can't do a damned thing and I just want to scream at all the people who are making life worse for her. Because dammit, leave her alone.

This powerlessness bleeds into everything. I can't DO anything. I can't write, I can't read, I can't DO anything. I can't even get myself to put a damned dvd on to watch. I can't fold the laundry I've got washed, I can't clean the house. I can barely sleep, even though it's all I want to do. I only feel good and decent when there's no one else around. When I don't have to deal with fucking people and their precious sense of self-importance.

Labels: annoyance, Missing Emmy, rant, stupid people

On the heels of the last lovely piece, what did I find in my newspaper this morning? This lovely story about an attempted rape victim being terrorized by the men accused of the crime!

The men discovered the victim of the attempted rape and a witness to the incident were living in the Millerville area in Baton Rouge and went to their home at 3:45 a.m. Saturday, an affidavit says.

With the help of three unidentified men, Ristick and Mitchell kicked down the door of the house, the affidavit says.

Ristick, holding a black handgun, grabbed the woman who witnessed the rape attempt, threw her to the ground and threatened to kill her unless the charges were dropped, the affidavit says.

He then hit the woman on the head with the gun, the affidavit says.

Mitchell chased the victim of the attempted rape into the living room and held a gun to her head as he threatened to kill her and her family if she did not drop the charges against Ristick, an affidavit says.

Mitchell then pushed the woman’s head to the floor and fired the handgun into the wall, the affidavit says.

Mitchell, Ristick and the three other men then left the house, an affidavit says.

Both men have been charged with aggravated burglary, simple criminal damage to property, aggravated assault with a firearm and illegal use of a weapon. One man was also charged with being a felon in possession of a firearm. Bond is set at $500k.

So....anyone think that they're not guily of the attempted rape? Anyone?

Labels: assault, crime, Louisiana, outrage, police, rape, sick bastard, stupid people

This is so horrible and offensive, I don't have words to describe it. So, I'm just going to cut-and-paste the whole horrible thing. Note: this appeared in an indie paper geared toward college students. It's not affiliated with LSU, but it's freely distributed around town and is heavy on LSU-coverage. Given the rates of rape on college campuses, this is beyond appalling.

Ex-boyfriend teaches woman why it's important to lock doors

A man, who legally cannot be named, currently awaits trial after he entered the home of his ex-girlfriend and raped her with one of her own sex toys.

The assailant entered the woman's home and bound her hands and feet. He then raped her with a "large" sex toy and allegedly poured beer on the victim. After the attack, the assailant then untied the woman and brought her to her place of work.

The assailant has pleaded not guilty to all charges and insists that he committed the offense in order to scare his ex-girlfriend into locking her doors at night.

Yes. That's right. Look at that headline. Look at the lovely detail about the size of the instrument. Look at his rationalization. Which is re-enforced by the fucking headline. And this woman is a quite possible a resident of Baton Rouge, who lives near or even attends LSU. And even if she's not, maybe she's out eating one day (like I was) and sees The Tiger Weekly laying around. And you know, she thinks "Ah, something to read!" And then she reads this. Seriously? I mean, seriously????

Happily, the editors provided us with an email address to give them feedback. How thoughtful! Feel free to comment. E-mail the author at Jenna@tigerweekly.com

Labels: assault, crime, Louisiana, outrage, police, rape, sick bastard, stupid country, stupid people, stupid state

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Also? I love this video.

Labels: bisexuality, homosexuality, marriage, stupid people

This story about Mychal Bell, one of the Jena Six, just makes me sad.

Regardless of how you feel about Bell's involvement in the original incident, the man tried to kill himself. According to the news report, he'd been getting his life back on track. He'd been studying, working out even though he could not play high school ball because he still hoped to be able to play college ball next year. Moving him to Monroe and placing him in foster care seems to have been good for him. And yet, he developed a depression deep enough to make him feel like his life was not worth living.

Now, maybe he was trying to shoplift. So what? Yes, it's wrong. Yes, it's a crime. And yes, if he's guilty, there needs to be punishment. But the fact is, if he had not been involved in the Jena case, his name would never have been more than a single line in the local paper's police blotter. He'd probably end up having to pay a fine, do some probation. It wouldn't be the end of the world and it certainly wouldn't be the end of his football career.

How long will he be punished for the Jena incident? He pleaded to a lesser charge in that case, he did his time and was working to get his life back on track. So how long will it be before we let him move on? Bell was 16 when Jena happened. Everyone is stupid at 16. Some of us are more stupid than others, but we all do things that we shouldn't, things we look back on later and wonder how the hell we ever did. The fact is, no one died in the Jena case. No one was even seriously injured. (And if you're going to say that Barker was, just stop. If you're well enough to attend a party later the same day, you're not seriously injured. Bruised and hurting? Sure. I'll give ya that. But bruises and aches are not serious. I've gotten worse injuries fighting with my brother and he probably WAS trying to kill me.)

How long is this man going to have to pay for being a stupid 16-year-old? How long is he going to be followed by the media? (And believe me, he's being followed. No one is stalking him or anything, but you can be damned sure that ever few months some Editor goes to a reporter and says "Check on Mychal Bell. See what he's up to." Why? Because he made a stupid, dumb mistake that will haunt him for the rest of his life. And if all the reporter finds is that he's now attending college somewhere, the Editor will make them write a story starting with: "Mychal Bell, the only member of the Jena Six to stand trial and be convincted of attempted murder, enrolled at the University of Blahblahblah. . .")

When this man dies, hopefully many many years from now after a well-lived life, his involvement in the Jena Six will be mentioned in his obit. Despite the fact that he may end up being a world-class surgeon that saves lives, despite the fact that he may become a great civil rights leader, despite the fact that he may just become a decent mechanic, whatever the hell he does with his life, the Jena Six thing will haunt him forever.

Listen. The man did his time. He paid for his crime. He's clearly still dealing with the fallout from that. Let it go. Let him be. For gods sake, stop hounding the man until he feels his only option is death.

Labels: bitching, crime, culture o'death, depression, foster care, Louisiana, outrage, power, racism, stupid people, suicide

Seriously people, there is nothing at fricking Wal-Mart worth killing someone for!!

Wal-Mart worker dies after shoppers knock him down

They broke down the damned doors. What the HELL??? It's damned Wal-Mart. The same plastic crap will be there tomorrow, I promise. And if it's not, wait until next Tuesday when they restock!

"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," co-worker Jimmy Overby, 43, told the Daily News. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too. ... I literally had to fight people off my back."

Gods know, they aren't going to be able to prosecute anyone for this. Sure, there will be store video, but how are you going to track down all the people who just WALKED OVER a man in their rush to get some cheap t-shirts or Hannah Montana videos or whatever the hell else they were looking for. How the hell do you walk over a man? How do you not stop and help? How do you just go on, tossing stuff in your basket, while police and EMTs are showing up to try to get this man some help? What is wrong with your head? ARG!

Labels: culture o'death, I Hate Christmas Shoppers, murder, stupid people, Wal-Mart

International Transgender Day of Remembrance

I'm posting this a day early, in case anyone is looking for an event to go to. There's a list of events around the world at that site.

This is not an easy post for me to write. It should be, because I believe deeply in the power of saying things outloud. I believe in the power of naming -- speak your fear and it can no longer control you. Give voice to your grief and it can no longer destroy you. But the truth is, I'm crying as I write this. Not only because so many good, decent people have died. I'm crying because I know that my sweet, amazing, gentle Emmy could be on that list one day and I cannot imagine being able to survive that.

I will never understand what motivates someone to kill another human being when their life is not in danger. I will never understand what it is inside someone that makes them pick up a weapon instead of simply walking away. I will never understand how human life can have so little value to some people. But I know that there are people in this world, far too many people, who can kill. Who can pick up a gun or a knife or a rock and strike out. For what? Because someone doesn't meet your expectations? Because they live their life in a way you don't approve of? Which god tells you that you can do that? Which god gives you permission? And how can the world, how can so many otherwise decent people, simply nod and say 'well, what did you expect? Not guilty!'?

I think of the families of those who have been killed. I think of them and I cry, because how do you cope with the knowledge that the world thinks it's OK to kill someone you love? How do you live with the knowledge that your neighbors and co-workers and the people who sit beside you every day on the way to work think that your daughter deserved to die? How do you ever have faith in anything, anyone again? How does the world ever make sense again?

It's far too easy for those who are not intimately involved to forget. Because it's too horrible to remember. It's too horrible to let yourself realize that yes, human life is so very very cheap to so many people. It's too horrible to let yourself realize that maybe YOU contribute to that attitude. But we cannot forget. We let these killings go unchallenged, unpunished -- a slap on the wrist is not a punishment. Finding a killer not-guilty because they freaked out over finding out their girlfriend had a penis is not justice. It's not acceptable. Full stop.

Labels: relationships, stupid people, transgender

So, today was worse than yesterday. Of course.

I get into work and find an email from my boss, yelling at me in bold and caps! about a newsletter I've been working on. There are spacing problems. Well, duh. He insists that it all be justifed, which means that there are weird spaces between the words sometimes. If he'd just let me do it normally, there wouldn't be this problem. But noooooo. I have to get yelled at via email over a problem I tried to fix, but he wouldn't allow.

He's also mad because one of the stories in the newsletter is out of date. Well, duh. That's what happens when he can't get back to me on his edits in a reasonable time. I started this edition in JULY. He gave me a list of stories he wanted, and a deadline. So, I sat down, made out a schedule and had them done on time. He, however, did not have the two stories HE wanted to write done by the deadline. Or for another month after that. And when he did, he only did one of them and decided to just spike the second one. Fine. I get it into the format, give it to him and wait. And wait. For him to edit it and give it back to me for changes. Finally, he does. Gives me another deadline for the revisions. Which I meet. And now this. What.The.Hell.

And that was just the last damned straw for me. Just is. I don't get paid enough for this job, not with my experience and fricking Masters degree. I'm broke, my phone is now turned off because I couldn't pay the bill, my tv will be disconned next weekend and well...gah. I have a whopping $1.40 to last me two weeks.

Worst part? I haven't got the money for my medication. So, my Lupus is starting to come out of remission. I'm already getting the pain in my hands and arms again and the exhaustion is seriously causing problems. i'm on edge all the time, I'm just.....*sigh* I need a vacation. And a job with more money.

So, I'm going to spend the night working on my resume and cover letters. I found three new jobs to apply for today, I'm sure I'll find more tomorrow.

And I need to remember -- it's wrong, wrong, wrong to pray for people to errupt in a butt full of festering boils. It just is. Even though it's tempting.

Labels: stupid people, work

Hopefully, everyone who reads this blog knows about the Jena Six (link goes to a timeline of the events. There are about a billion other places online to find info, but I pimp the Town Talk cause I used to work for 'em.). There was a giant rally held in Jena today, nearly 60,000 people attended for across the country. (Myrid photos and videos of the rally can be found at The Town Talk, just look around the main page.) On the one hand, it's inspiring. On the other, I fear it won't do much good.

Why do I feel this way? Because of the comments you can find on the forums at the Town Talk. Comments made by people living in the middle of all of this, of people who live in Jena or surrounding areas. And what sort of things do you find there?

f I were in Jena and I wasn't racist before, this would certainly make me so.

This is a criminal case, yet the media made it about race. Someone made up the whole "white tree" claim. Wonder who would gain from that bogus claim. The Jena Six mentions the racial slurs that some had pummeled at them but doesn't mention the racial slurs they pummeled themselves. Have you noticed how the family and friends of the Jena Six do NOT want to talk about the Jena Six's criminal history? Why is that? The Jena Six's family never mentions that the black community didn't show up for jury duty. They should be outraged that the black community done this to Mychal Bell, yet not a word. Why is that? They are thicker than thieves, no pun intended.

If there was a point to the rally, I don't know what it was.

Well it looks like the crime rate for the rest of us that don't live in Jena will go down! Jena better lock up everything they have.

What is really sad, is when white people wont get together and stand up for what they believe. We should be down thier protesting them but we would rather stay home because in general, white people are passive. When are we going to get our hands dirty and fight for our beliefs? i told my fiance last night that i was going down there to protest against against the protestors, and you know what she said? she said for me not to because i would probably be the only white person thier and that i would get hurt. thats really pitiful when your own people wont stand up with you and fight. one day, we will have to defend ourselves, or else get runover by bigotry. im really dissapointed in my race right now, what we need to do is get together and fight this hypocracy.sad,sad,sad

need not worry. the white race handles things differently. let them have their little march and see where that gets them. and then wait and see how the "white" race puts them back in their place. a march has never solved anything before and it will surely not affect the outcome of this trial. i am sure the blackies have other marches to attend down the road. we just have to passify them and let them march:-)

Here is some humor for you native son:

Q: A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The cop!

maybe we will see this exact scenario is jean thursday

do you think you could get the rest of the marchers to accompany you back to the motherland...that would be one hell of a fundraiser!!!

What do you call a black person in a three piece suit?

Will the defendent please rise

his is just what they wanted, they will have all the law tied up at the rally so they can rob loot and steal from the surrounding area. They need to declare marshal law so the people around here can protect what belongs to them.

There are more. Too many more to be believed. And yes, of course, there are a few voices of reason trying to point out this is not acceptable. But frankly? There's more of this than the other. Want to read it? Go here and click on anything with the name Jena in it. But don't eat first, k? You'll be sick, sick, sick.

And so, I'm feeling terribly melancholy and hopeless. What does anything accomplish if we are still mired in these sorts of attitudes? When it's okay with us that teenage boys stand to lose the majority of their adult lives because they got involved in a stupid fight?

Besides that -- most of these boys haven't gone to trial yet. What happened to them being innocent until proven guilty? Everyone is assuming they're guilty. And maybe they are, but maybe they aren't. What they deserve is a fair trail, but a fair jury on charges that fit their actions. And second degree battery dosen't fit these actions. Because if they did, why did the white boy that assaulted a black boy, with a fucking beer bottle, charged with a misdemeanor and given probation?

Charge them with misdeamenor battery, disturbing the peace, whatever. Make it something reasonable. Don't take away their lives because they did something stupid -- if they are, in fact, guilty.

But I don't think it will happen. I think, once the cameras are gone and the media is gone and we're all talking about the Next Big Story, that the situation for blacks in Jena will be worse than it was before this. I think racial relations will be pushed even further back. Because we have so many people who believe things like those quotes above. Because if people can think this, even in the light of so many other people from so many other places seeing clearly how /wrong/ this whole thing is...what hope do we have?

Labels: outrage, racism, stupid people, stupid state

Today was just....I wanted to throw someone out a window at work and I had TWO migraines. Well, I got my meds in time so they weren't full blown, but I still got the damned aura where I lose vision in my eyes. *sigh*

Okay. So, I'm had this migraine for ages it seems and last Friday I left work FIVE MINUTES early because I had my work done, I felt like hell and well, it was five fucking minutes. I forgot to sign out, so when I went to sign in this morning I was going to just fix that. . .only to find out that my office mate had signed me out. She's not supposed to do that, plus instead of signing me out at 4:30, she'd made sure to put down 4:25.

Now, this doesn't seem like a big deal -- until you find out that she was bitching to other people in the office last Friday that she's tired of me leaving work early and she was going to tell our boss. Here's the thing -- I DON'T leave work early. I shut down my computer and go into the other office (we have two big offices that are connected, ours is the back one so we leave through the main one) maybe two or three minutes before 4:30. I don't actually leave until 4:30, so if someone had some emergency between 4:28 and 4:30? They can still find me. I also come in about 15 minutes before 8, time I'm not allowed to claim due to state regs. She, however, routinely stays late.

Why does she stay late? Oh, maybe because she can't get her ass to work before 8:30 or 9 a.m.? Ever? She has three children, one of whom has had to have surgery on her club feet and well, she just /can't/ make it in on time. And our boss has let her slide because he has sympathy for her having so many kids and she's been with the agency for six or seven years. And you know? I'm fine with that. It does not bother me in the slightest, because hey, her being late does not affect my ability to do my work at all. So why would I be pissed about it? But, dear gods, let me leave five minutes early ONE time in the year I've been in this job and she's all angry and threatening to go to the boss and complain.

And you know, I really wish she would. I so very much wish she would. Because I'd just calmly go get the timesheet, hand it to him and ask him to explain why it was she was allowed to come in up to an hour late on a regular basis and I was being reprimanded for leaving early once when I had a splitting migraine and had finished my work. Because if I were to be in trouble, she'd better damned will be in MORE trouble or I'd be filing a complaint. (And, since I work for Civil Service, that actually means something.)

See, here's the thing. I know why she's mad. She's not mad at ME, she's mad at her life. She's 34 and she's got three children. The youngest was born in January, barely a year after the one before her. (Apparently, someone told her she couldn't get pregnant since she was breast feeding. Riiiight.) She's been at her job for six or seven years and will not be promoted again, because that position is a supervisor's position -- and she does NOT have the skills to be a supervisor. She just doesn't have the personality for it and she's pissed because I was brought in on the same level as she is, and have basically been suggested as the next supervisor for the department. They just have to wait to get the position re-approved. So, here I am, basically her age, no children, no husband that drives me insane and spends money on stupid shit while we're so deep in debt we're borrowing money from everyone we know, and I'm equal to her and, maybe, going to jump over her head in the promotion department.

The thing is -- it's not my fucking fault. I didn't make the decision to get married when I had planned on going to grad school like she did. I didn't decide to have three children in less than five years. I didn't decide to marry a man who has a seriously bad case of Keeping Up With The Jones when we don't make the Jones' salaries. I didn't decide to be so unpleasant and incapable of dealing with people that I will never be promoted to supervisor. It's not my fault. Those decisions were hers and she needs to own them and deal with the fallout.

She's trying to pull the parentism card on me and I'm not having it. What is parentism? That's what we call all those little things that parents get that those of us who have chosen not to have children don't. It's also the sense of resentment those parents seem to have against us. Parentism -- right up there with sexism and racism as a form of discrimination.

My co-worker is now the only parent in our office. Well, the only one with small children. The rest of us are all single and childfree -- or our children are adults and no longer at home. So, sometimes we get together after work for Mexican and margaritas. Or we hang out at each other's pools. Or we go to the movies. Or you know, whatever we can come up with. And yes, often we decide to do so on the spur of the moment, with no advanced planning. You know what? We can do that -- because we don't have children or husbands waiting at home for us. And it's not our fault she does and it's not our fault she feels jealous that we do and it's not our obligation to change our plans or not talk about our lives because it makes her uncomfortable.

You know, I have a certain amount of sympathy for people who have children who miss the lives they could have if they didn't. I really do. It's hard when you see something you want and you know you can't have it. So, I get that. But don't take out that jealousy on me. Because it's not my fucking fault you have kids and can't do all the things you want to do. It's not my fault your husband can't be bothered to help you get the kids ready and off to daycare so you can get to work on time. It's not my fault you buy into the Southern Baptist line that you're the one whose supposed to be doing all the giving and compromising in the relationship. It's not my fault you spend half of the day on the phone to your husband or your family or some bill collector yelling and bitching and can't get your work done by 4:30. If you're jealous because I have the ability to focus and to multitask, giving me more downtime than you have? Deal with it. You might notice that I'm not on the phone to my family or my SO or bill collectors every day for three hours or so. You might notice that when I get a project, I begin on it immediately. You might notice that I work fast, that I ask questions when I'm not sure what's expect of me, that I don't have the control freak nature that you do that compels you to refuse to ask for help until the very last possible minute. You want more downtime? Cultivate those qualities. Or at the very least, shut up and leave me alone.

Labels: outrage, stupid people, work

SHOCKING NEWS!!

Study links women's obesity, birth defects risk! Blame it on the fat! Shame, shame, shame on you fat women. Daring to be mothers. The nerve. Don't you know you're not worth fucking, much less knocking up? Ha.

Ahem.

Okay, basically this article says that obese women (Which, again, they don't define. What does that mean, anyway?) have a higher risk of giving birth to babies with birth defects. About a whole whopping one percent greater chance. Now, I'm not really a statistician, but isn't that, oh, not a significant difference? Couldn't a variation that small be a quirk of the study? Isn't that basically the same risk as non-obese women?

"Obese women should not be overly alarmed by these findings because their absolute risk of having a child with a birth defect is low, and the cause of the majority of birth defects is unknown," said University of Texas researcher Kim Waller, the study's lead author.

Still, the results underline yet another reason for women to maintain a healthy weight, Waller said.

Gah! We don't know why most birth defects happen, and really, you're not that likely to have a baby with a defect anyway, but you know, you really shouldn't be fat anyway even though we have absolutely no evidence that being fat, by itself, is in anyway dangerous to your developing fetus. But really, don't be fat, okay?

Reasons for the potential link between obesity and birth defects are unclear, Waller said. It's possible that some women had undiagnosed diabetes, which also is linked to birth defects, she said.

While the study didn't examine weight during pregnancy, it's also possible that some women tried potentially dangerous weight-loss techniques right before conception or during early pregnancy, when most birth defects occur, the researcher said.

She urged obese pregnant women, however, not to try diet pills, fasting or other aggressive methods which also might contribute to risks for birth defects.

Let's parse that out, shall we? It's not the fat that seems to be responsible for the very tiny, non-significant increase in defective babies. It's undiagnosed diabetes -- which is bad for the woman, too. Again, it's not the fat, it's the disease. (Which should be caught, if there's pre-natal care. Testing for gestational diabetes is standard. If you don't have healthcare, however. . .) What else is bad? Oh! Trying to lose weight! That's right, those crazy Grapefruit Juice and Exlax diets could do the baby in. It could also fuck up the mother, but let's not mention that.

I recommend no one try diet pills or fasts or aggressive weight loss methods, pregnant or not. Those pills seriously raise your blood pressure, fasting messes up your metabolism and agression is only useful in the boardroom and the bedroom.

So, to recap: One study suggests that a very small, in-any-other-study-not-worth-mentioning percentage of obese women are more likely to give birth to babies with birth defects. But, the study doesn't suggest it's being fat that caused it. It's more likely to be an undiagnosed illness or crazy diet plans. But don't be fat. I mean, it's even in the headline, for gods sake!

Labels: fat, medical care, outrage, stupid people

That's about all I can say, after reading this story.

If you're fat, we're going to charge you more for your insurance! Take that bitches! That's right, just because you don't have a BMI under 29, you've got to pay more for your health care! Whoohooo!

Seriously, this article has raised my blood pressure by about oh, 10 points. (Oh no! That means I'll have to pay more for that too! That's right. If you're fat, have high blood pressure or your cholesterol doesn't meet the damn company's standard, you have to pay MORE for your heath insurance.)

And why are they doing this? Because the cost of health care in general keeps going up.

Employers are getting serious about penalizing workers "because they've run out of other options" said Joe Marlowe, senior vice president at Aon Consulting, a national benefits consulting firm.

Really? No other options? How about going after the goddamn insurance companies who value profit over service? Hmm? How about that? How about pushing for (wait for it. . .) National Health Care???? What a concept!

So, they're upping premiums and deductables. And not by a little. Nooooo...those deductibles are fucking DOUBLING! (Or worse) You know why their claims have gone down? Because people now have a fucking $5000 deductible, that's why! I'm at my doctor's office all the fucking time and even I can't meet a $5000 deductible. Geez.

And I just love how the employees react to these increases:

"At first, I was mad when I thought I would be charged $30 for being overweight," said Courtney Jackson, 28, a customer service representative at Clarian. "But when I found out it was going to be broken into segments — like just $10 for being overweight — it sounded better."

Jackson said she was going to try to slim down before the plan took effect. "If I still have weight to lose when it starts," she said, "I'll deserve to pay the $10."

Yes. That's right. If you can't force your body into an unnatural, permenant, semi-starvation state, you deserve to pay more for your insurance. (And yes, $10 isn't much. But when you put it all together -- $10 twice a month, for 12 months, that's $240 more a year for being overweight. And then if you also have high blood pressure, that's another $240 a year. And if you're cholesteral is a bit high, another $240. . .hell, if some random study comes out saying that fucking green eyes are linked to a .01 percent increase in the chance you'll develop Scurvy, they'll charge for that too!)

Not everyone is on board with this, of course. Thank the gods.

Lewis Maltby, president of the National Workrights Institute, a Princeton, N.J.-based employee rights group, called the trend "a very dangerous road that could lead to employers controlling everything we do in our private lives."

"To penalize for things that are beyond some people's control is just wrong," Maltby said. "Some people are fat because that's how God made them."

Can you say lawsuit? I thought you could.

Still, some lawyers say weight-based compensation plans may run afoul of other employment laws.

"A key protection in the Americans with Disabilities Act is that employers can't discriminate against employees based on their health status," said J.D. Piro, a principal at Hewitt Associates' healthcare law group. "This is a fight that's likely going to be dealt with in the courts."

Exactly. Because I'd file a lawsuit in a heart beat. Why? Because this is illegal, that's why. It's illegal and it's giving the companies way too much fucking power. It was bad enough when people started refusing to hire (or fired!) people who smoke, now we've come to this? How long before people who have more than one sex partner a year are penalized? Or how about people who don't use birth control? Or maybe people who like to hang-glide on vacation? People who paint? Some of those chemicals can be dangerous, you know. And raising a child puts you at increased risk of contracting the diseases they bring home from playgroup. And if you're a woman, living with or dating a man puts you at increased risk of domestic violence, so we should charge more for that. Oh! Pets, they have ticks and fleas and those carry dieseases. Do you get your home regularly fumigated? Rats carry the Plague! But of course, the chemicals they use can damage you too, so we'll charge for that too....where will it end? It won't, that's where. Not until our lives are regulated and controlled by the fucking insurance companies. Gah.

Brittney Manning, 29, a patient advocate at Clarian Health's Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis, said many employees were taken aback when the plan was announced last month. But she approves.

"I think it's fair for people to pay according to what their healthcare costs are," she said. She doesn't expect to have to pay the higher fee because she says her weight is normal.

In Arkansas, Deeann Gutekunst, 42, a Benton County deputy treasurer, said she understood the rationale for the county's policy.

"If you have employees who don't care about their health," she said, "what else are you supposed to do?"

Weight does NOT equal health. When the hell will people get this through their head?? And, excuse me, but when more than half of Americans are 'overweight or obese', when are we going to stop calling people who weight less normal? Huh? I mean, I'm not a math genius, but when at least half of your population weights more than 'normal' maybe it's time to recalculate normal, mmm?

Labels: fat, outrage, stupid people, work

I've been following this story probably longer than most people have been -- it started while I was still working at The Town Talk which was waaaay before it made the international news. The basics of the case can be read here as well as in the Town Talk archives. (If you have time, go read the forums there. Most of the comment threads are under the News listing and you'll see what I mean when I say racism is so totally alive in rural Louisiana. Particularly, I was pissed by the thread What nooses?. Check out this one and this one too.)

I'm not going to talk too much about the specifics of this case, except to say that I believe racism is playing a great huge part in the conviction of (so far at least one) of these boys. I believe it's the reason they were arrested, it was the reason they were charged with such a ridiculous charge and it's why the DA is being so insistant on prosecuting them so quickly. That's not to say that the boys, if they are in fact guilty of assaulting another boy, do not deserve to be punished. But they deserve to be punished no more severely than a white person would be. (In fact, a white person assaulted a black person in the week or so before this incident took place. He was charged with simple assault, which is a misdemeanor. If these boys were charged with the same thing (instead of attempted murder!), this would not be receiving nearly as much attention as it is now.)

This case spiraled out of control, as so many other incidents do in rural Louisiana. (And I'm confining my remarks to La., but that's where I've lived all my life. It's a place I know rather well, although I wouldn't be in the slightest bit surprised to find the same thing happening in other places. I just don't live there, so I can't say for certain.) The second those nooses were hung in that tree, it should have been, and could have been, squashed immediately. Long term suspension of the boys involved, perhaps removal to the local alternative school, could have sent a clear message that this would not be tolerated. Assemblies to address the issue could have been held. A genuine attitude of seriousness from the faculty could have helped. An acknowledgement that, yes, racism does happen and that no, it will not be tolerated at this school wasn't too much to ask.

Or, it shouldn't have been. But this is rural Louisiana. And we've heard it a hundred thousand times. And dammit, no one else can tell us how to behave.

After the fire at the high school (which, to be fair, has not been proved to be linked in any way to these incidents although the possiblity remains), there was still time to step up. After the first student was assaulted at an off-campus party, there was time. There was time up until the moment it exploded. But no one stepped in, or those who did step in were not powerful enough, their voice wasn't loud enough, to stop things. And now we have this mess. Again. I don't hold much hope that the remaining boys will be given reduced sentences, nor do I have much hope they'll get an impartial trial. Their trials need to be moved out of Jena. Their juries need to be racially mixed. And for gods sake, no one on the juries should be related to the witnesses or good friends of the DA!

As for the defense Bell received -- I've covered trials in which his lawyer was on the defense. Yes, Blaine Williams is a black man. Yes, he works as a public defender. And the other trial I saw him cover (a serial rape trial) he also did not call any witnesses or put on a defense. (Although, in that case, the police had a confession, DNA evidence, multiple victims on the stand and items taken from the victims in his home, so their case was decidedly stronger than this one.) To be clear, no defendent is required to call any witnesses or put on any defense. The burden of proof falls squarely on the prosecution. The jury is not allowed to hold the fact that no witnesses were called against the defendent. However, in practice, not calling any witnesses or offering any alternate theories makes people wonder what you're hiding. And while you may not be hiding a damned thing, it doesn't look good. Williams is also, like all public defenders down here, doubtlessly overwhelmed by cases and truely does not have time, nor the funding, to fully investigate each case like it should be. (Which is a failing of the system. We've had problems with the PD system all over the place, most notably in New Orleans.)

Which points out another problem -- these boys are, for the most part, from middle and/or lower class families. (Which isn't saying a whole lot -- most people in rural Louisiana are.) They cannot afford to pay for their own lawyers nor even for bail. And so, the cards are stacked against them. I'd like to believe that Bell's case will be overturned on appeal, but this is Louisiana. Jesus himself could come down and say the guy was innocent and it wouldn't help.

The thing is, most people aren't willing to admit to any form of racism. They don't treat black people any differently than anyone else, they'll say. And mostly, they're right. It's not the actions, so much as the attitude. If a black person is arrested, well of course they're guilty. If a white person is arrested? Well, there may have been a mistake. There could be an explaination. And if they are both guilty of doing the same thing? Well, it makes sense somehow for the black person to get a longer sentence/harsher charge. Why? Because we don't want those other black people to get any ideas, see? But no, no. They're not racist. God, no. They just want order, you see. And everyone knows how Those People are. . .

There are still people here, mostly older, who still refer to black people as Darkies or Colored. (Hell, some of them just stick straight to N-r. Unfortunately, some of them are in my family. Makes me wanna hit 'em with a brick.) And it is worse, from what I've seen, in northern Louisiana. Once you get past eh, Mamou? It's scary. I wouldn't want to be a black person there, that's for damned sure. Even the black people I've worked with, who are clearly educated and /not/ in anyway thugs or whatever you wanna call it, have been harassed in my pressence. Once, at a stoplight, someone pulled up to the care my co-worker was in (he being a black man), knocked on his window and asked him "Where the weed at?". Because, clearly, a black man would know that. Not, ya know, the little skinny white boy dealers that are all over the place. *sigh* And while we laughed about it, and no one was hurt in any way, that attitude is clearly a problem. Black men know where to get drugs. Why? Because they're black! And they know this stuff!

Anyway, I don't think it's possible for these boys to get a fair trial here. Not in Jena, anyway. Not in any rural Louisiana parish. Hell, maybe not anywhere in Northern Louisiana, not now. And I think most people would agree that, if they are guilty, then they should be charged with an appropriate change and pay an appropriate penalty. But kicking a boy with a tennis shoe does not deserve going to jail for 20+ years. (And really...when was the last time a frigging Tennis Shoe was considered a deadly weapon? I mean....steel-toed boots, I'd buy. But a tennis shoe? Come on.)

Labels: Louisiana, outrage, racism, stupid people, stupid state

This picture, painted by Rhon Drinkwater, was banned from an art show because it was deemed 'not family friendly'. The show contained other nudes, but this one was the only one deemed unacceptable. Why? Well, that's the question isn't it? The full story is here.

I'm sorry, but what's not 'family friendly' about this painting? When other nudes are being allowed?

Labels: art, outrage, stupid people

I'm sure most of you have heard of these 'Quiverful' families -- people who believe in absolutely no birth control, in having as many children as is physically possible. Long the provience of of strict Catholics and polygomist sects, this movement is moving more into the mainstream of Protestant thought. It's creepy. Not the having lots of kids, although that's not my thing. Frankly, if you can take care of the kids, I'm not one to tell you how many to have. But the language used in thisarticle just skeeves me out. Seriously.

Some choice quotes:

Quiverfull beliefs are absolutist. Purists don’t permit even natural family planning methods, such as tracking fertility cycles (the only form of birth control condoned by the Roman Catholic Church). Also taboo: any form of artificial fertility treatment. “The point is to have a welcoming heart,” says Mary Pride, a mother of nine whose 1985 book, “The Way Home,” celebrated a return to traditional gender roles. It has sold about 80,000 copies and has inspired many quiverfull families. “You shouldn’t be unnatural in going to a fertility clinic or in trying to avoid having children by regulating when to have sex with your husband,” says Pride.

---

The anti-birth control message appears to be gaining ground among some evangelicals. Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, has become one of its most prominent advocates. “If a couple sees children as an imposition, as something to be vaccinated against, like an illness, that betrays a deeply erroneous understanding of marriage and children,” says Mohler. “Children should be seen as good by default.”

---

Though Ken admits life isn’t always easy—last spring, all eight kids came down with chicken pox at once—he says the family became “exponentially happier” after relinquishing control of Devon’s womb to God. He’s counting on his eldest daughter Peyton, 12, to carry on the tradition. She “will stay under my covering until I turn her over in marriage to a God-honoring young man,” he says. Hopefully, he adds, they too will reap a full quiver.

Let's unpack this a bit, shall we? Who can spot the instances of devaluing a woman's right to control her own destiny? Anyone? Anyone? How about the pressure on a young girl to carry on a 'tradition' that her parents made up? Anyone see that? On, and don't forget, you can't decide not to have sex with your husband just because you don't want to have yet another baby this year. Shoulda thought about that before you got married, shouldn't you?

In order to have this kind of family, the mother is required to stay at home. It is simply impossible for her to work and take care of 8 or more children at the same time. However, Daddy's gotta work so much that he's not home much, so Mom takes on the bulk of child-rearing. Plus, she's homeschooling the kids, of course. Let's build up that sense of insolation, shall we? (Can anyone say Andrea Yates? I thought you could.)

I take issue with the notion of children as good, by default. Maybe for most people, they end up that way. But often that's because of a conscious choice on the part of the parent. For me, no, children would not be good by default. A child would be a huge impact on my health and probably would shorten the length of my life. I love that language -- vaccinate against! Oh, if only! Seriously, if we could come up with a vaccine that would make you infertile for what, five, six years at a time, would that not be a GOOD thing? We could end teenage pregnancy, bam! We could give men /and/women a seriously powerful method of planning their families. A freaking vaccine would be awesome, but alas, not in this guy's view. Oh well.

You know, these people never talk about relinquishing control of their reproductive organs to God. It's always, well it's the womb that must be given over. Why? Why isn't it the damned sperm that must be given up? Why isn't Ken talking about relinquishing control of his penis to God?

And frankly, poor Peyton is going to need a ticket to the Underground Sisterhood Railroad in a few years. Listen to the language her father uses to talk about here -- that's now how you talk about a person, that's how you talk about a possession. He's literally going to 'turn her over'. For gods sake, people! This isn't a spare key, you know. It's your child, a living, breathing person who will have her own ideas and desires. What if she doesn't want to have any children? What if she's a lesbian? Or asexual? What if she wants to go to college and skip marriage altogether? What if she wants to make porn, for gods sake? She's got rights, as a person, that go way beyond being covered by daddy and then handed off to hubby.

These people freak me out, because I can just imagine how many closet Quiverfuls live around me, thinking -- oh, if only I could find a woman willing to let me stick it in unwrapped and pop out baby after baby! Gah.

Labels: fundies, sex, stupid people

So, I've seen this photo a few times this week around the blogosphere. I thought the model was pretty, looked good and was glad she was included in a major runway show. I don't follow fashion, so I don't know a damn thing about the designer, etc. Mostly, it was just something that caught my eye, I appreciated it and moved on.

Well. Over at Feministing it got posted with some questions about what the designer intended by putting her in his otherwise thin-model show. No big deal there, for me, at least. Seems something worth discussing, even if I don't follow fashion.

And then I got to comments. And started to get pissed off.

It devoled quickly from addressing the topic at hand to remarks like "this model does not look good in those clothes" to "no one wants to see this" to "this woman is morbidly obese". She was called not normal, extremely large, couldn't be healthy and fit. There's one poster there who is convinced, completely, that obesity is a horrible, horrible disease and will kill all us fat girls one day.

A few people came in and spoke, for which I'm grateful, but -- again with women bashing women! What the hell? It's not bad enough we all have to live in this society where we're generally undervalued, we have to put up with comments like this from other women?

No one wants to see women like this? Then tell me how this woman is a professional model. (Living in Paris, not America, of course.) If no one wanted to see her, how would she be making a living? No one wants to see a size 20? Have you ever taken a quick skim of all the Plus-Size Porn sites? Not only to people want to see women who look like her, in sexy clothing, they're willing to pay to see them in a great deal less. (Not that I suggest basing your worth or body image on porn, but the fact remains that there is a market for fat porn and there wouldn't be if it were true no one found fat bodies sexually attractive.)

Again with this stupidity! How does my (or any other) fat body affect you? Seriously? I mean, you can't catch it. If you don't want to look, don't look. I don't expect everyone to find me attractive or want to have sex with me or whatever. But I do expect to be able to enter a discussion with people who are supposed to be my fucking allies and not be so offended I leave. I do expect a little respect. I do expect to be able to have a discussion that doesn't devolve into "yes, but fat is unhealthy. My fill-in-family-member has X disease because s/he is fat." No. You relative has X disease for whatever actually causes that disease. Their extra weight may not be helping their health, but it did not, on it's own with no other factors, cause that disease. There is not a single illness that has been proven to be caused by fat. Ever. Why? Because being fat doesn't make you sick! If it did, with our 'obesity crisis' in this country, we should all be dropping dead at alarming rates. And we're not. We're living longer. Because being fat, by itself, isn't going to kill you. Or make you sick.

I'm just really fed up with the fat bashing I've seen lately. There's this post, then there was fucking Dennis Miller on The Daily Show a few nights ago who spent the whole segment making cracks about fat people. I mean, it's the fucking Daily Show! You'd think Miller of all people would have something better to talk about than how fat people are worth mocking. You know, like all that political and religious shit he didn't got to talk about on Katie Couric's show? But noo...let's talk about the fatties!

So you know what? Leave us the fuck alone, really. Especially you people who are supposed to be our feminist/progressive allies. If you don't understand how sizeism is just another form of social repression and control, you haven't been paying attention and I'm just too fucking tired of this shit to explain it to you. Again.

Labels: fat, feminism, stupid people

Why haven't I heard of this before? I work at a damned newspaper and I haven't seen this on any wire services.

Please call or email your senator as soon as you receive this message. The so-called Child Custody Protection Act or as we more correctly refer to it: The Teen Endangerment Act may be voted on by the Senate as soon as tomorrow. The House has already passed their version (H.R. 748).

The current version restricts a young woman's ability to obtain an abortion outside of the home state even if the closest city is across state lines. In addition, it does not allow for an exception necessary to protect health, requires a 24-hour to 72-hour waiting period in many cases and imposes criminal penalties for any adults accompanying a young woman across a state line to obtain an abortion unless she has met her home state's parental involvement laws. (Info via NOW)

If this passes, this is going to totally screw girls in states like Mississippi and South Dakota, where there is only one abortion provider. If those damn protesters somehow managed to close Mississippi's clinic and that damned S.D. bill is upheld and this thing passes, the no teenager in either state will be getting abortions -- even if their pregnancy will killed. Gods dammit, what the hell is wrong with people?

I get so very sick of these things. Where's the fucking bill to require teen age fathers to provide for their offspring? Where's the fucking enforcement on that? Why the hell is it so goddamn hard to get men to step up to the plate and take care of their children? I'm thinking, if you're going to force women to become parents, then dammit, you'd better force the men who got them pregnant to be responsible too. But no. We can't have that, can we? Fucking hypocrites.

Seriously, if you want to force women to become mothers when they'd rather not, then you force men to be fathers when they'd rather not. That means garnishing wages, seizing property, whatever you've got to do to make it real to them. Make men start actually sharing the responsiblity of parenthood and see how fast these law start disappearing. And you know, of course, that if the governors daughter gets knocked up, she's getting her abortion regardless. Goddamn it.

Sorry, but eloquence fails me. I just am so sick of being regulated to second-class status because I happen to possess a vagina.

Labels: abortion, outrage, reproductive rights, stupid people

Well, the Frat Boy did it. He used that veto at last. To deny federal funding for embryonic stem cell research. No new drugs for you!

President Bush cast the first veto of his 5½-year presidency Wednesday, saying legislation easing limits on federal funding for embryonic stem cell “crosses a moral boundary” and is wrong.
“This bill would support the taking of innocent human life of the hope of finding medical benefits for others,” Bush said at a White House event where he was surrounded by 18 families who “adopted” frozen embryos not used by other couples, and then used those leftover embryos to have children.
“Each of these children was still adopted while still an embryo and has been blessed with a chance to grow, to grow up in a loving family. These boys and girls are not spare parts,” he said.

Okay, let's stop right there. I want to clarify something for the Unpresident. Just because you support abortion rights does not mean you're anti-adoption, even embryo adoption. My neice is adopted. I adore her. I'm glad she's here. However, it was still her mother's right to terminate her pregnancy. She did not owe us a child. She did not have a responsiblity to reproduce. I'm endlessly glad she did, but that's not the point. If she'd not had K. we'd have never know. No harm, no foul, get it?

And this appearence with 'snowflake' babies...come on. Did you mention how many tries these families had to take before they got those children? How many frozen embryos didn't implant? Doesn't that make these parents murderers? I mean, so long as they stayed frozen, they were alive, right? And since there's an very, very high failure rate to IVF, it would make more sense to leave them frozen because they've got a higher chance of dying than living on implantation. But hey, what do I know. I just do things like read.

And I love the "crossing a moral line" bs. Because only those 'children' we deem so deserve to live. Those babies in Iraq or Afghanistan? Nah. Those babies living in New Orleans when Katrina hit? Nah. Those babies of the poor in Texas who need treatment their parents can't afford? Nah. Sure, the fact that they're actually walking or crawling or talking or having some other measurable impact on the world around them doesn't count. No, they just aren't up to standards. Not Our Type Dear.

How much longer do we have to put up with this idiot again?

Labels: abortion, medical research, politics, stupid people

So, the anti-choice protesters in Mississippi got smacked down by a judge when they asked for a restraining order because they didn't like the way the police were treating them. Undeterred, they changed tactics. And what, pray tell, did they do?

Members of Operation Save America spread out through the capital city, targeting not only the Jackson Women’s Health Organization but Millsaps College, a high school, the Jackson Police Department and The Clarion-Ledger newspaper among almost two dozen locations.

Because, clearly, college and high school students are a danger. Especially when they're, you know, in class and all. And that newspaper? Ha! Clearly, a bastion of Satanic urges. Don't believe me?

The group’s leader, the Rev. Philip “Flip” Benham, said Wednesday’s targets represent “the gates of hell” and influential areas in the city.

The gates of hell. Seriously? I thought the gates of hell were located in Washington D.C. Something about a Texas Fratboy moving in. Oh well. What do I know? I'm just a woman.

But was that enough protesting? No, indeed. There's more!

The group burned a copy of the Islamic holy book, the Quran, during a gathering Tuesday night at the Making Jesus Real church in Pearl.
“We deal with all the issues we possibly can because they are different manifestations covering the same fist, the fist of the devil,” Benham said when asked what the Quran has to do with the abortion issue.

That's right, everything goes back to those damned Muslims. Muslims, liberals and sex-having-no-shame-feeling women. So long as they're consistent.

There are things I'd like to say about these people, but really, don't they speak for themselves? The protests in Mississippi still have four days left. Wonder what else they can come up with? They've already had a bomb threat and a false police report of a fetus being disposed of in a frigging bank, for gods sake. And they wonder why they're being arrested?

Labels: abortion, outrage, stupid people

My state, in an effort to catch up with most of the rest of the country, is currently in the process of passing a law outlawing smoking in public places. That would include all government buildings, libraries, schools, public sporting venues, clubs, bars, restuarants -- any place people gather inside, where the smoke would be trapped. Lots of other states have this same law. It's not a new, revolutionary thing.

So, our local newspaper puts up a question, asking people to write in and tell them what the they about the proposed ban. Most people are firmly FOR it. They site a lot of reasons - health, the smell, general dislike, etc. Some people opposed to it make the point that allows the government to regulate this could lead to regulations in other areas. Most people, in other words, make reasonable, understandable comments. Whether you agree with them or not, they are not out of the realm of relevant comment.

But then there are these others....who skip the whole smoking debate and attack fat people. Straight on, fat is worse than smoking. It kills more people. (Where the hell they got that idea, I don't know.) Watching fat people eat is offensive. The government should regulate how much fat people can eat. If we can't smoke, you fatties can't eat! Arg!

Because, clearly, being fat in public is a health hazard. For other people. It's contagious. It's true! You should have seen it. Yesterday, I went to lunch with my (not quite as fat) friend. They sat us in a booth next to a couple of really skinny girls. Everything was fine until our food got there. (We were going to get something healthy like fish. But you know us fat girls, we had to go for the mega deep-fried, twice-battered, lard-crusted pork loin. Yummy.) Why, we hadn't taken two bites when those skinny girls started to just balloon up! It was amazing, the power my lunch-eating fat self had. My friend and I giggled to ourselves, watching those skinny girls start to cry as the buttons popped off their jeans. Because fat girls are all evil, ya know. It's in the handbook! But, because the skinny girls were now our Fat Sisters, we didn't giggle too long. No, instead we took them under our wing, gave them a pair of comfy sweatpants to wear and provided them with a copy of the Fat Girl Handbook -- How to Destroy The World By Your Very Existance. And then we all had Mocha Turtle Cheesecake for dessert.

I mean, really. What the fuck is wrong with people? I understand not being happy about not being able to smoke in restaurants anymore. I don't smoke myself. In fact, smoke of any kind makes me very sick. But I get that it's not going to be terribly pleasant to have to wait until after your meal, when you're outside, or in your car or...you know what? It's not that big a deal. If you can't go one hour without a cigarette, you have a serious addiction. And that I can have sympathy for. But any sympathy I have is immediately obliterated by being attacked because I'm fat and I dare to show my face in public. My fat isn't going to hurt anyone else. That cig smoke? Well, they've got lots of proof that it does, in fact, hurt other people. Any damage my being fat does is going to be to me and me alone. The people sitting next to me aren't going to catch anything from me. They're not going to increase their cancer risk just by seeing me. So get off the fat-bashing train.

Labels: body acceptance, fat, stupid people