Butterfly Cauldron
Monday, January 29, 2007
My issues haunt my dreams
So, I had this dream last night. I went out with this guy, much younger than me but whatever. We had fun, although we didn't have much of a spark. So, I was thinking, well okay. He's nice and all, but not my type. It was still nice to get out and whatever. He seemed to feel the same way, so we parted on friendly terms and I figured that was that.
Then, I'm zipping around the bloggy-verse and stumble upon his webpage. In which he has posted this simple message: "She was of the large" followed by a little frowny face. And of course he got tons of comments about how awful it was he had to go out with a fat girl.
Gah. I can't escape even in my damn dreams!!
Sometimes I think the universe is trying to make me crazy. After talking to the Possiblity, it hit me like a lead weight that I'd been worried so much about being rejected that I had forgotten that hey, maybe /I/ won't be impressed. It was a nice snap back to reality and I was feeling much better. Because my friend Georgia is right, I'm very good at taking ownership of myself and my rights in all situations but a dating situation and that just doesn't make sense. It's not my job to be impressive. It's my job to just be me. And part of being me is realizing that hey, just because someone is interested in me that doesnt' mean I have to be interested in them. Which I know, but is easy to forget with all the conditioning women get in our world. Why, how dare you reject this man's attentions? Don't you realize how rare that is? Don't you realize it might never happen again? Sure, he's not everything you wanted, but dammit, he's a man! And you're 32, unconventional and if you want to escape the old-woman-eaten-by-cats-and-not-found-for-two-weeks fate, you'll snap up any man that wants you, dammit. How pathetic is that? How utterly insulting.
So, anyway. As I was saying, I've shaken that off and yet...here it comes in my dreams! Dammit. This is not amusing, Universe. Stop. Now. Leave me alone, already! (Unless you're planning to drop Sara into my lap. Because that, I'll take some shit for.)
Then, I'm zipping around the bloggy-verse and stumble upon his webpage. In which he has posted this simple message: "She was of the large" followed by a little frowny face. And of course he got tons of comments about how awful it was he had to go out with a fat girl.
Gah. I can't escape even in my damn dreams!!
Sometimes I think the universe is trying to make me crazy. After talking to the Possiblity, it hit me like a lead weight that I'd been worried so much about being rejected that I had forgotten that hey, maybe /I/ won't be impressed. It was a nice snap back to reality and I was feeling much better. Because my friend Georgia is right, I'm very good at taking ownership of myself and my rights in all situations but a dating situation and that just doesn't make sense. It's not my job to be impressive. It's my job to just be me. And part of being me is realizing that hey, just because someone is interested in me that doesnt' mean I have to be interested in them. Which I know, but is easy to forget with all the conditioning women get in our world. Why, how dare you reject this man's attentions? Don't you realize how rare that is? Don't you realize it might never happen again? Sure, he's not everything you wanted, but dammit, he's a man! And you're 32, unconventional and if you want to escape the old-woman-eaten-by-cats-and-not-found-for-two-weeks fate, you'll snap up any man that wants you, dammit. How pathetic is that? How utterly insulting.
So, anyway. As I was saying, I've shaken that off and yet...here it comes in my dreams! Dammit. This is not amusing, Universe. Stop. Now. Leave me alone, already! (Unless you're planning to drop Sara into my lap. Because that, I'll take some shit for.)
Labels: dream
