Butterfly Cauldron

Monday, June 04, 2007


In which our heroine (that would be Me) gazes upon her navel. . .

I can always tell when my summer flare is upon me, because I don't even have the energy to be properly depressed. It takes too much energy to work up the tears and angst over the fact that I spend my weekends alone or that I'm beginning to believe I'll never actually see my best friend in person again or that boys are stupid and screw up a perfectly servicable sex-without-committment relationship by being, well, stupid or that I'm gaining my normal Summer 15 again or that I've barely got money to pay the bills again. I mean, I'm aware of all those things and I care, really, I do. But I just don't have the energy to work up a good depression over it, ya know? I'd rather just sleep.

Which is what I'm spending a great deal of my time doing, unfortunately. In bed by nine, asleep well before 10. Long naps on the weekends, nearly falling asleep at work. Are there animals which hibernate in the summer? Because that's what I am. I'm a WhateverThatAnimalIs. I'm the Opposite of Bear. I plump up and sleep all summer, then wake up and slim down in the fall/winter. It's very strange.

I'm also having teeth problems. They're making me nuts. Last month, I got two cavities filed and I've got an appointment to get two more done next week. But, the teeth on the side I got worked on last month still hurts. I don't know what it is. The doctor didn't see any more cavities on that side and nothing was weird on the x-ray, and yet when I bite down sometimes it hurts. And sometimes it just throbs. Gah.

And I'm seriously annoyed with the male gender, atm. First, The Boy is seriously gone from my life, as near as I can tell. No calls, no IMs, no nothing. Which annoys me because, hello! perfectly decent sex w/o strings relationship. Does he have any idea how much kinky shit he's missing? No. He doesn't. Why? Because he disappeared, that's why! Gods dammit, we didn't even do it in front of the bathroom mirror. Hmp. And where am I supposed to find another boytoy? *muttermuttermutter*

And I'm not sure Older Boys aren't stupid either. This other guys that I've been talking to has stopped talking too. Or when he does talk, he's way less communicative that he once was. So, I'm just waiting for the calls or IM or email to stop there too. Which is stupid, because ya know. . . .What the hell is wrong here? I'm cute, I'm funny and, apparently, I'm fairly easy. I'd really like an actual boyfriend (or girlfriend), but barring that, I'm perfectly happy to have some fun while waiting for The One(s). Seriously, how hard is it to find someone to hang out with? Movies, concerts, dinner out? Is that too much to ask? Seriously? Gah.

I've got lots of stories saved that I want to blog. I really will get to them, I swear. I'm just so fucking tired. I come home, I curl up on the couch. Now, if I had a wireless connection, this wouldn't be so bad. But alas, I'm not wireless. Hrm. Maybe I can figure out a way to get the DSL modem next to the couch. . .or I could go sell myself for the $250 it'll cost to get the Airport station I need to go wireless. Decisions, decisions.

I'm thinking of doing a second blog, focusing on Fat Acceptance issues. I always think of doing second blogs, but I never get around to them. I don't know that I could handle a second one on my own, but I can't think of anyone to co-blog with me. Well, I can, but she's not around atm. *looks all mopy at The Professor*

I'll have a few movie reviews for you in the next day or two. That's about as heavy as I can get atm. There's so much going on that I really, really want to get all righteously pissed off about. But I'm too fucking tired.

Plus, I want a kitten.

That's all.
posted by Zan at 5:05 PM


Miss you!

Is this more due to the time of year, or the heat? If you were in a cooler climate, would you feel the same?

7:54 PM  

It's the heat and the sun, mostly. I'm so fucking sun sensitive it's not funny. I keep dreaming of moving out to Oregon or Washington state. One day. One day.

I actually have a plan. I'm gonna stick at this job for a year or two, get some more experience under my belt and then start looking for a job in a better climate.

7:56 PM  

a purrr for the lady

5:10 AM  

Ooh! A kitty!! *pets Calli*

7:02 AM  

Can't they transfer you?

Rhys is moving to OR. Y'all are starting to scare me.

8:55 PM  

Fie on the boy for making things complicated. (Kicks him)
Can I ask what you're having a "flare up" of? I'm not sure that you've mentioned what the actual condition is since I've been reading. Feel free to tell me to MYOB if I'm being too nosy.
About the pain when biting down thing...exposed nerve? Teeny hole that they didn't close up properly? That's the only thing I can think of.

2:54 AM  

Ah. The Boy. Yes. You see, he's started talking to me again. So maybe I'll let him back in. Because I do want to get laid. Sex is good. We may just have to have some ground rules.

And I have Lupus. The evil, evil autoimmune disease. And since I talk about it like crazy, nah, ask all the questions you want ;)

I have a dentist appointment Monday. Hopefully, they'll figure out what's wrong and fix it and it won't cost all my money!

7:39 AM  

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