Butterfly Cauldron

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

This just in from the Just Say NO! Bureau of Human Sexuality. . .

Sex of any kind can harm teens emotionally -- thus sayth the researchers. Except, well, that's not quite what the story says, really. It says that some teens can feel bad after having sex. Even *gasp* oral sex! It doesn't say they were harmed, just that they experienced negative emotions relating to the experience.

Here's MY newsflash -- Some adults have negative experiences with sex too!

Why is this shocking to anyone? Who hasn't had a bad experience now and then? (I recall with sadness the BF who had a rather er, quick, response time. Who also wasn't all that into giving me oral, either. Although, he never asked me to go down on him, so I didn't get too bitchy about that.)

And why is it so surprising that oral sex would leave someone feeling bad? Is it somehow miraculously different than vaginal sex? (Well, you know, aside from the obvious. . .) Why didn't they poll the kids about anal sex? Or was that just too shocking to consider?

And the girls feel worse than the boys? I'm stunned. Really. At least the writer seemed to get a little of why that might be so: "Though the study could not look at the reasons for this difference, other studies have noted that there's pressure on girls to at once be sexually attractive yet resist having sex."

Ya think? Wear these "slutty" clothes darling, but don't you do so much as kiss that nasty boy! Arg! How fucking frustrating is that?

How hard is it to just, ya know, teach girls to be comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality? How fucking hard is it to let them know that they are the ones who get to decide what happens to their bodies -- not their boyfriends or the media or the church or their parents, but them. Full personhood. Fuck the rest of that shit.

The study, according to the researchers, suggests that parents should be sure to talk with their kids about the potential negative effects of having oral sex, not only intercourse.


Because focusing on the fucking negative consequences of sex has worked so very well in the past, hasn't it? Everyone here married or virgins? Yes? Yes, I thought so.

Okay, how hard is it, really, to say to girls (and boys): Sex is powerful and amazing, and no one gets to make the choice when to have it but you. Sex isn't about being dirty or shamed or degraded. It's about being loved and desired and pleasure and so much more than that. But the only one who gets to decide when you have it is you. There are consequences, yes. There may be heartbreak. There are ways to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy and diseases. Sex is not about being dirty and sinful and you're not bad or degraded if you have it.

I am sick to death of hearing how sex makes women dirty.

Fuck that shit. Seriously. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

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posted by Zan at 5:18 PM


I am with you, but how to counter the shame and fear of adults who want to arrest their children's sexuality? I don't get it. Even if they remember being teenagers and don't think they were dirty or hellbound, they don't want the children in their lives to be sexual. Which, if they're human, is just not possible. And what's w/ the lies? "Sex is only for adults," or "only w/in marriage"?

I say this, of course, from the safety of not having a child in my life, and with the fear that I'd be arrested for being honest about it with a very young child. My mom knew about reproduction when she was two. She read it in a medical book. And somehow, that knowledge didn't turn her into a ragin slut. Hm. Must be a fluke.

And if I have to hear "she won't date until she's 30" one more time...

10:18 PM  

You want irony? My mother, who NEVER had the sex talk with me, is the one giving all the local girls their sex ed now. *sigh* So, I got to go to the library and learn everything I wanted to know, but these other girls who have no relation to my mom get the whole truth and nothing but the truth? As in, actually factual information, not just 'don't do it'? WTF??

6:51 AM  

Sure, because it's different when it's your daughter. They say. Your mom's not necessarily interested in preserving anyone else's daughter's virginity.

Is it possible your mom didn't know at the time you were learning? I had the double constriction of my mom being wary of any books I had that she thought might contain sexual intel and the fact that she was not very knwoledgable on that front, apart from what she may have garnered from medical books in Franco's Spain.

10:30 PM  

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