Butterfly Cauldron

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Money = Pain

I can't decide if the Universe is on my side or if it's just really enjoying a cosmic joke at my expense that I don't understand.

So, I'm poor. I mean, really, in-debt-up-to-surrendering-my-firstborn poor. Not as bad as many, I'll admit. But for me? Not good.

And apparently, I tend to go on about it. I don't mean to, but when something is on my mind...I tend to talk about it without realizing it. Anyway, yesterday at work, one of my co-workers made a nasty remark about how everyone knew I was broke because I was always talking about that sent me to the bathroom crying. Usually, I'm not so sensitive, but I was vastly hormonal and worried about paying my bills and dealing with the fact that all my friends and family are hours away from me now. So, it was just the wrong time to deal with that kinda remark. (She did apologize later and she was really upset that she upset me. She was having a hard time too and I just stumbled into her line of fire.)

So, I had a wretched day yesterday. Gave myself a headache from crying so much. I was upset that I was upset at work, because come on...you don't do that. But fortunately, I could hide out in the bathroom and no one else was in my office, so no one really saw me. So. That's okay. I felt awful, just wanted to come home and go to bed (Which I did)

But -- and this is where I can't decide if the Universe loves me or not -- I get home, check the mail. To find a letter from my former job, asking what I wanted to do with the money in my old retirment account. Now, here's the thing -- I didn't know I HAD money in a retirment account. I had never signed up for it, because I couldn't afford the deductions from my check. (Ayep. I was paid THAT badly.) But, because I was there forever, I was vested and the company started putting money aside for me. So, I have like $7500. I just have to tell them where to send it.

Yeah, there's the 20% penalty for taking it all in a lump sum. Which sucks, but still. I'm gonna send 'em the paperwork today and should have the money to fix all the damn bill problems that have been following me everywhere. The rest I'm gonna stick into an account to start saving as a downpayment on a house. Go me.
posted by Zan at 6:54 AM


Your co-worker's a jerk. No one gets to take anything out on you. :(

The company set aside its own money or deducted from your checks?

Lady, the Universe loves you!!!!
Exhibit A: You are you.
(Okay, maybe that's evidence She loves me.)

9:34 PM  

It was it's own money. I'd have noticed if money went missing from my account.

I hope the Universe loves me. And you just keep trying to entice me up to Virginia, don't ya? Naughty, naughty Mac

6:36 AM  

Actually, if you stay there, I have an excuse - if not the wherewithal - to travel.

What was it about the $ that makes you question the Universe's love? You want something, and you get it. Sounds good to me. Now, w/ Mr. Former Possibility, you learned something good from that, that you can and should reject people. I can see where you may think the Universe is just fucking w/ you, but are you trying really hard not to slip on the ice? What if you just accept you're going to? When you give a little, you'll slide, not slip. Let the Universe work her magic on your behalf. You deserve it.

wv: frkwu & cixopn


10:24 PM  

I know. See, my mind knows that, but I'm so very used to NOT getting what I want that I don't trust it. I have trust issues, it's true.

Seriously, the last few years have not been kind to me. I realize that's changing now, but it's still instinct to pull back.

6:52 AM  

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