Butterfly Cauldron

Friday, October 27, 2006

If my lover ever did this to me. . .

s/he would have to die. Slowly and painfully.

This is a site put up by a guy about his wife -- who has gained a good bit of weight since they met. Why? Oh, because he wanted the opinions of other people as to whether she was too fat or not. No, seriously. Is my girlfriend too fat? She was a size four when we meet but now she's in the double digits! *whine*.

No word on if she even knows he's doing this, but I can't imagine someone...hell, actually. I can imagine someone (a man, of course) doing this and not thinking about how it would make her feel if she found out. (Insert standard disclaimer about not all men being this shitty here.)

And the comments! Gah. As a big girl (actually one not so far from Angela's size, it seems. Though quite a bit taller, I'm guessing), I'm almost as skivved by the Feeders comments as I am the Ew! Fat! people. It kinda freaks me out to think that my body is someone's kink. Because as comfortable as I am being a big girl, I do NOT want the attention of someone who only wants to be with me so they can feed me and get me fatter. If my weight naturally goes up over time, fine, but to intentionally alter your partner's body? Uh. No. That would be like me insisting my partner's got their nipples pierced or body covered in tattoes because I happen to think that's hot. Or insisting my man wear eyeliner out in public because it turns me on. If that's not his thing, well you know, you just deal.

I can understand being...unsettled...by drastic changes in your partner's body. I imagine, if I was with someone who lost a lot of weight or who lost and arm or eye or something, I'd feel a bit strange about it at first too. That's pretty normal. However, I don't understand putting up a fucking website for other people to throw daggers at them! Come on, did he expect people to not make the sort of comments they're making? (And frankly, what sort of person not only makes such a site, but leaves it up after seeing the hatred spewed at someone they claim to love?)

Doesn't marriage mean more than that, though? Isn't the point that you love and want to make a life with that person, regardless of their body/health/finances/whatever? Sure, there are some things that are non-negotiable, but something like weight? I don't get it. So long as there are not health problems, what's a bit more padding?

I mean, if I were in love with someone and committed my life to them, having them gain 50+ pounds wouldn't really change anything. Hell, I've easily gained that much during a bout of steroids, so I know how easy it is to put on pounds and how hard it can be to take them back off. And in the end, you don't marry a person for their body, for Gods sake. And if you do, it would be a favor to your spouse for you to leave them, so they can find someone who geniunely values them.

(And, I must be honest, I think that final picture of Angela in the black undies is incredibly beautiful.)

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posted by Zan at 6:15 PM


This is why, when women get so much as a simplke haircut (or, really, make any decision, I cringe because someone will ask the obligatory "What did your husband/bf say?" And it's bad enough that women care, but this guy has so much nerve, saying since it was okay w/ him, she was allowed to stay fat originally.

I think the asshole wants to show the comments to Angela. He's probably told her what he thinks, and since she hasn't buckled under, he's mounting a campaign to get her in line.

Not that he has a point, but he started with the pill affecting her weight. I'm not too surprised he's an asshole anyway, but I would think that the Ew! Fat! people would be understanding in matters of health. For, you know, two seconds before the fear consumed them again.

Marriage is mainly about appearances and justifying the relationship to others. I think a lot of people consider what they look like and will look like as a couple. You're supposed to look at his maternal uncles for balding to see whether your man may lose his hair.

7:54 PM  

I am not surprised at the capacity to fetishize.

7:56 PM  

that blog seems fake to me. either that or it's done by some 13 year old kid who doesn't understand format and sentence structure very well. and besides, it's up to the mate to decide if his gf is too fat or not, not the rest of the internets...

12:50 PM  


between that and "t" over at brownfemipower, i feel like i'm back in high school again.

1:09 PM  

I know! Oy! Those photos at brownfemipower were simply lovely. Those women were lovely. 't' was however, a homophobic, fat-basher and I really wanted to smack her around, but hey....something about more flies with honey than vinegar...although I don't know why I'd want to catch flies anyway...:)

1:15 PM  

i responded to t finally at BfP's. said i wasn't but couldn't help it.

1:29 PM  

I had to walk away from the comment thread at bfp. As a fat woman I hear shit like that every single fucking day of my fat life, lol. From my doctor, from the tv, from all media--it's all a bunch of bullshit. Too triggering, too frustrating, and people who hate fat people just hate them, even when they tried to pretend it's cuz they're "concerned" about their health. Ugh. No thanks.

As far as that website, well, people seem to so easily put aside the "for better or worse" part of their marriage vows, don't they? Why even say it if you don't mean it?

1:45 PM  

You know, I'd like to know that too. I'm not married, for a variety of reasons, but if you freak out over something as simple as weight, how are you gonna handle the really big stuff?

I don't understand why people hate other people. Well, at least not why people generalize and hate groups of people. I suppose I could understand hating individuals, but even then, I tend to just move on and cut people who would make me feel like that out of my life. It just doesn't seem healthy to have that kind of hatred hanging around.

1:53 PM  

Oh, if that were my lover they'd be entirely dumped.

3:39 PM  

Well, we all know that it is ok with a certain, sadly very large, number of people to hate fat folks. Is he happy that she doesn't cheat on him? That she is fun in bed? That she cooks good meals and appreciates the meals he cooks? That she brings home her paycheck? That she tells a good joke and plays a mean hand of bridge? No, he is focusing on the fat.

1:47 AM  

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