Saturday, November 17, 2007
I'm more than a little tired
This bothers me, because there are sooo many things I could be doing. It makes me a boring person, I think. How interesting is it that what I can talk the most about are my cats? *sigh*
I have to remind myself that I have to be easy on myself. It's not my fault that I'm so tired. It's not my fault that when I get home from work all I can do, literally, is curl on the couch and watch tv. Or lay in bed and watch tv. This is what happens when you're dealing with a chronic illness. It steals all your energy. It's not my fault, but I just feel horrible about it.
I don't feel bad, physically. I've got some pain, but not so much it's unbearable. I'm just....so fucking tired. I just got out of bed, after trying to nap, and I feel....I went to WalMart today. Got my oil changed. Picked up some groceries. And I came home, ate lunch and collapsed. I've got all day to do any damn thing I want and what do I do? I lay down. I watch tv. I flip channels. I cuddle kittens. I do nothing. At all.
I'd like to go finish my dishes or my laundry or I don't know, write some fabulous paper about compariative religions, but I can't. Because I"m so very tired. I hate this. I hate it so much I just want to scream, but I'm too tired to scream. I'm too tired to do anything. I need to wash my dishes and clean out my fridge. It won't take even an hour and yet....I'm not. I can't.
I feel the aching tiredness down into my bones. My fingers hurt, my toes hurt, everything hurts in an aching, persistant way. I don't want to go take any more medication, even though I know I should.
I'm not depressed, I'm just fucking tired. *sigh*