Butterfly Cauldron

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

All the drugs are minemineminemine!

Ahem. My doctor convinced my insurance company to override their limits and give me double the Cymbalta. So now, I've got two pretty bottles full of pills! Yeah!! No dropping back to one pill a day. No more fear about the pain coming back. Yay!! (Imagine me doing a happy dance of joy. Now stop.)

That makes me very happy. Veryvery happy. Plus, I called the people sending me that big wad o'cash and they said it will be here Friday. So. *deep breath* I only have to make it through the week and then my financial problems will be at an end. For awhile, anyway. I'll pay off the medical bills and the credit cards, then go pick out a new couch! And a washer and dryer! Whoohoo.

I know. Sometimes I'm soooo easy to make happy, it's sad.

I'm also planning on joining this Women of Size exercise plan that one of the local hospitals does. They have a water aerobics and yoga class specially for larger women. So, no skinny little witches to annoy me as they complain about being soooo fat in their size 2 bikinis. Grrr. Actually, the woman who teaches the classes is a member of the local fat acceptance chapter. So this is promising.

I really miss feeling strong. I used to be incredible strong, before I got sick. Strong in that intimidating, Amazon way. I'm nearly 6 feet tall and I used be all muscle. Alas, it is not so anymore. And I don't really want to be all muscle again, but I miss feeling strong and centered. So, I'm going to have to do something about that. I can't do a lot of exercising though -- doctor's orders and all that. But I can do anything I want to in the water. Plus, it helps control the pain and that's always a good thing. So, soon as I get my money this Friday, I'll be placing a call to sign up for some classes.
posted by Zan at 6:25 PM

8 Comments:

Yay that you got your medication. That should most definately improve your overall quality of life.
Finding an exercise plan that works for you is a good thing, too. I know what you mean about feeling physically strong vs not so strong - I recently started lifting weights (small weights - I have no desire to end up like the Governator) and it's amazing how cool it is to feel strong again.
The weight issue in this country is a very fraught subject for me. Odd how the overall populace is getting bigger but the official beauty standard gets smaller all the time. That seems like an unsustainable dichotomy to me - at some point something has to give.

6:56 PM  

I'm still picturing you doing a Snoopy dance. In the red strappy near-dress deal that some buxom woman wears in the Yummy yummy yummy, I've got love in my tummy ad.

I'm interested to know how the classes go. I often consider it, but I also avoid commitment.

8:34 PM  

The idea of Amazons fascinates me.

wv: yqjcj

8:38 PM  

Good luck to you, Zan!
At 6 feet, I bet you kick some *serious* ass, metaphorical or otherwise, when you want :)!

I'm interested in learning more about PMDD -- what are the sympotoms/how does one know this is what they have? I've been having horribly painful/heavy-heavy ones lately and always wondered if my period doesn't kick up my anxiety.

3:42 PM  

Oh, yeah ;) Better still, I grew up with my brother, who was only about 15 months younger than me and is a giant. (He's 6'8 or so and about that wide across the shoulders.) Plus, lots of male cousins, but very few female ones. So, I fight like a guy. Which was fine with my family, because we were all evenly matched, but when other boys would piss me off and I hit them....well, I learned pretty fast that I had to pull my punches. Oh well.

And PMDD is EVIL!! I get extremely depressed or anxious -- like nothing is right. Nothing in the whole world is right. I freak out about stupid little things (Like this month? I hung up on a bill collector. Not because I didn't have the money to pay or didn't intend to pay, but because I was just suddenly overwhelmed with this sense of shame for having not paid the bill yet. And I curled up on my couch and cried when they called back, but I didn't answer the phone. See? Makes NO sense.) My moods can change from literally second to second. I'm exhausted and I'm hungry. Just starving. I can literally eat a full meal and ten minutes later I feel like I haven't eaten in days. It's a really upsetting feeling because it just will not goa way, no matter what I eat. I have some strange sleep problems too and I gain about eh, five pounds of water. I also get really distracted easily.

It's nasty. It really, really is and I generally have to miss work every two or three months because it gets so bad.

3:53 PM  

You will like the water for the pain management. It's my favorite. Next to opiodes. I understand what you are talking about with the strength issue. I still get furious about my body betraying me. I used to train for triathalons and rode a century every weekend on my bike. I'm made piece with the weight thing...but it still makes me angry...the weakness.

6:27 PM  

That's it exactly. I don't mind being big, I just hate being weak. I used to walk for hours every day and now? *sigh* Yeah, well. I need to get on that ;)

7:15 PM  

Yes, and the swing of things with SLE...how every time you get a flare you have to start from the ground up with the strength building thing. That's a major pain in the ass. But if you don't do it, the next flare puts you in a wheelchair. I do so miss that feeling of knowing that my body will do what I tell it to do.

8:12 PM  

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