Butterfly Cauldron

Friday, February 06, 2009

I'm getting married!

Emmy and I have decided to get married -- so throw the confetti already!

I'm beginning work on the immigration paperwork this weekend. As soon as we can get it filed -- and pay the $500 it costs to apply! -- it should take about four months to process and, barring no problems, she could be in the country by July. That gives us four months to get married on a fiance visa, so we're planning for the end of September/first of October. Exact date will be posted as soon as it's pinned down.

We've decided on getting married in New Orleans, because we both love it so. I've tracked down a little chapel in the Quarter. For $300, you get the chapel for an hour, a violinist at your disposal and a celebrant to do the ceremony. We're thinking morning weeding, then a nice brunch at a nearby restuarant. We'll rent the courtyard for a few hours, have food, dancing, some presents and just general happiness. Then, the rest of the afternoon can be spent rummaging around the Quarter having fun in New Orleans.

That's the good stuff.

Now, for the bad.

I have to tell my family. I told my brother via IM this morning. He's not terribly happy. He says that this 'makes my heart hurt a little'. Because he didn't expect me to marry someone like Emmy. Well, neither did I. I didn't go looking for an Australian trans woman, but when you meet someone you can build a life with, that loves you and supports you and understands you, that shares your values and makes you feel like all those things you'd given up on are possible again -- what kind of idiot turns their back on that? It's uncommon and when you find it, you hold on to it.

He says that my niece Kadyn will not understand this, and he worries about her because she loves me so much. Well, I love her too. I didn't think I could actually love a child as much as I love her. It's a strange, strange bond. But it's not going to be hard for her. How hard is it for her to know that Aunt Suzan's friend Emily lives with her now? We won't be making out in front of her, you know. Regardless of who I was partnered with, I wouldn't do that. She's not going to care. She's going to go 'Oh. Okay. Can we go play with all your paints now?' Emmy's just one more person to shower her with love and presents. It's not going to be weird for her.

He kept saying 'You're my sister and I love you' -- which is very strange, because my brother hasn't told me he loved me in...ever, probably. I don't know how my parents are going to take the news either.

I'm calling my mother tonight. I've decided I'm just going to tell her. This is the plan. You can be involved if you want to be, that's entirely up to you. They're going to have to take some time to get used to the idea, I know. I'm pretty sure my mother will come around and I'm pretty sure my brother will too. My dad? I have no idea. I mean....if they don't want the rest of the family to realize we're married, fine. Whatever. If they just want people to know that we're living together, fine. We won't be making out in front of people, for gods sake. But I love her and frankly, I'm tired of feeling so exhausted and worn out over something that is GOOD NEWS!

Emmy's entire fracking family wants to come to our weeding! Her mother, father, two brothers, sister and at least one cousin are already coming. They're going to come up with $12k to get the whole family over here. They're all really excited for us. My family? They feel like it's a horribe tragedy.

So, here's the thing. I'm not letting my happiness get stolen. I'm GETTING MARRIED! I have to plan a weeding! I have to file out immigration paperwork! I have to find a caterer in New Orleans who will make me a bunny-shaped cheesecake for the weeding! I have to find a restuarant with a nice courtyard for us to rent! I have to find a dress! And shoes! And pick an attendant! We need announcements! We need to compile registries! I have six, maybe seven months to plan a fun, unconventional weeding! Screw everyone who cannot get on-board with my happiness.

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posted by Zan at 3:02 PM

8 Comments:

Congrats, Zan! This is wonderful news. I hope telling your mom goes well, and I'll be sending good thoughts in your direction

3:37 PM  

Hey! Are you still in San Fran? Because Emmy applied for a job at Berkley and we're soooo hoping she gets it. *hopehopehope*

3:44 PM  

Congrats! And good luck! I hope it goes better than expected.

5:27 PM  

Congrats!!!
Also, bunneh-shaped cheesecake? WIN.

6:30 PM  

¡Felicidades!

So Emmy's back?

You're right about your beloved niece. She'll probably know more than her dad wants her to, because she's clever, but she'll know what she needs to know: more love + presents. Just as she recognized the puppy as hers, she'll recognize Emmy as her aunt. I hope her parents let her be part of your wedding and that your dad supports you, because you are (or were) close and you could do with the balance, since your mom seems JonVoightlike to me.

I wish I were closer so I could help with the planning/shopping/scouting/reservations. Sigh. I'm so glad you're not letting the bastards get you down and that you're so happy!

7:53 PM  

CONGRATULATIONS!

Will this be the end of your immigration problems, or the beginning? The end, I hope!

bunny-shaped cheesecake

((perks up))
Cake? Did someone mention CHEESEcake?

PS: People thought me and Mr Daisy were a strange match, also, for a variety of backward, stupid reasons. We recently celebrated our 21st anniversary, and half those nosy-parkers who told us that are divorced now. :P

4:46 PM  

Yep. I'm still in Berkeley. It's a pretty nice place to live -- if somewhat expensive.

12:14 PM  

Yay for Suzan and Emmy. It sucks that your family aren't happy for you, but it's great that Emmy's are. New Orleans, ay? Awesome place for a wedding.

Agreed about the kid btw. She's a kid, she hasn't been indoctrinated yet. As long as Emmy is nice to her why should she care about any of the other stuff?

2:02 AM  

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