Butterfly Cauldron

Monday, October 02, 2006

100 Insights into my Psyche

Because I'm waiting to hear back about the job I interviewed for last week and because I'm sick to death of all the shitty shitty badness in the world, I'm finally going to fill out that silly 100 Things meme that's been around since dirt was a baby. Why? Because I can and because it's fun and because I can, that's why. So, 100 Things about Me You Probably Didn't Want To Know:

1. I'm the firstborn in my family
2. I have one brother, no sisters
3. My middle name is Elizabeth
4. I'm 5'10'"
5. I have never wanted to be anything but a writer, ever since I was a little girl
6. I've survived more suicide attempts than I can count
7. I have dreams about dancing turtles
8. When I was a little girl, I won a goldfish at the fair. His name was Abraham and he lived years longer than any fair goldfish
should have.
9. The first girl I had a crush on was my best friend. I was 16 at the time and it completely freaked me out.
10. Cats find me. I can move into a neighborhood completely free of them and within two week there will be half a dozen waiting outside for me.
11. I make my own candles
12. I also cross-stitch. I am obssessed with cross-stitching. My entire family has gotten presents of stitching from me. My walls are decorated with my pictures. I'm really good at it, even though the first time I tried to learn when I was a little girl I fucked it up entirely.
13. If I had a daughter, I'd name her Samara Jayne.
14. I have no idea what I would name a son. Which means I'll probably have one some day.
15. I hate pickles.
16. I hate cucumbers, too.
17. My favorite number is 15. I don't know why, it just is.
18. I did not name any of my current cats. My two best friends named them for me and the names just stuck.
19. I miss being out in the sunlight.
20. I dream about moving to the desert, but I know I can't because the sunlight would kill me.
21. I haven't had a real vacation in probably 10 years.
22. I'm sick of being poor.
23. I've lost 28 pounds in the last year, by cutting down on sugared soft drinks and fast food. I didn't mean to lose weight, I did it because I was having problems with my gall bladder and changing my diet made me feel better.
24. I make incredible meat loaf. My friends routinely request it.
25. I live in Louisiana, come from good Cajun stock and I cannot stand Cajun food.
26. I don't eat rice.
27. I used to be a Republican. I got better.
28. My hair naturally changes colors. This has nothing to do with the sun, since I avoid the sun at all costs.
29. I have my father's eyes.
30. I believe I will actually get married one day, probably in my 50s.
31. I talk to animals. And I think they understand me.
32. I have an atomic black thumb. When I walk through gardening sections, I can hear the plants screaming in horror.
33. I love golden apples, bananas and pears. They're the only fruits I eat.
34. I wear a size 11W shoe.
35. Most of my friends live at least an hour away from me.
36. I've become addicted to Grey's Anatomy because this woman is beautiful and should be my girlfriend.
37. I cannot stand most mainstream pop music.
38. I am addicted to punk rock and alt country. Because the lyrics generally mean something, dammit.
39. I swear so fucking bad in real life that I should come with a warning label.
40. I'm not nearly as rebellous as most people think I am. I just refuse to put up with unnessecary drama and shit.
41. I've been accused of being a drama queen.
42. My last vacation was in New Orleans, five months before Katrina hit.
43. My grandfather died when I was 13. It was horribly painful for me. I have never gone back to visit his grave, even though it is less than a quarter of a mile from my parents house and I visit them regularly.
44. My neice is obssessed with pink. I'm praying this is a phase.
45. I adore Spanish architecture.
46. I have a weakness for bed linens. I love good sheets and pretty comforters.
47. I've finally down to one medication per day. I was taking 14 per day, at one point.
48. I have migraines so bad that the doctors initially thought I was having seizures.
49. I have managed to 'cure' my migraines by taking 500 mgs of magnesium a day. It's cheap, it works and I can get it anywhere.
50. I spent a year in therapy talking about my parents and religion. It changed my life and I haven't been suicidially depressed since them.
51. My parents are unaware I was every actively suicidal.
52. I haven't gone on a date in several years. It's starting to bug me.
53. Only select friends know I'm bisexual.
54. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell my parents I'm bisexual.
55. I want to live near a beach at some point in my life.
56. I like to paint, although I have no formal training.
57. My hair is currently longer than it's been since I was in high school.
58. It is also as close to my natural color as it's been in a while.
59. I have strange reactions to drugs.
60. I have never been drunk.
61. I cannot say the same thing about being high.
62. I hate the color blue. It makes me want to stab people.
63. I don't like being called domestic.
64. I like to cook, but I have no one to cook for, so I don't.
65. My favorite colors are brown, dark orange and green.
66. I wish I'd gone to college on the coast.
67. I took piano lessons when I was young, but I don't play.
68. I played bass clarinet in school. I absolutely loved it.
69. I love the sound of a bass guitar.
70. I almost drowned in Italy.
71. While I was drowning, I had a vision of the Goddess standing on the beach. It felt like I was being claimed.
72. Most people think you're crazy when you say you had a vision while you were drowning, but I don't care.
73. While flying home from Italy, our plane dropped several thousand feet as we were flying over Louisiana. I was too surprised to scream, but everyone else did. My seatbelt caught me and left a bruise across my belly.
74. I broke international laws in Italy. We were tresspassing on archeological sites, but we never got caught.
75. In college, I toyed with the idea of being an anthropologist. I wanted to do physical archeology, so I could play with bones and artifacts.
76. I love really ancient history.
78. I did my Master's thesis on women writers in Ancient Greece. There were several, well-known at the time, but completely ignored today.
79. My professors knew about my interests (women writers/rhetors) so when they saw I was enrolled in their class, they would change the syllabus to include women they would otherwise have left out. Because if they didn't, I always called them out on it.
80. I was told my thesis defense was the most professional the department had ever seen.
81. I don't think I have any secrets anymore, although no one knows everything about me.
82. At one point, I thought about joining the Unitarian Church and trying to become a minister. I got over that idea.
83. I am fascinated by religion, even though the one I was raised with damaged me badly.
84. I actually had a visit home this weekend that did not include a single conversation about religion.
85. I like hardwood floors instead of carpet.
86. My favorite ice cream is Tin Roof.
87. I love hazelnut coffee.
88. I love just about any flavor tea you can find. Except raspberry or blueberry. Yech.
89. I have no clocks in my house except for my bedside alarm.
90. I don't wear a watch.
91. I don't have a cell phone.
92. I have never text messaged anyone.
93. I cannot stand 'net speak.' Type out the words, dammit.
94. I love downloading music.
95. In a past life, I think I was a cat.
96. I look forward to being an old woman.
97. I believe I'm going to live to be an old woman. This is a new development. I used to believe I'd never see 40.
98. I think youth is overrated.
99. I own more books than pairs of shoes.
100. I'm finally finished with this list!


posted by Zan at 4:56 PM


Wish I knew myself so well. I would love to try a similar list but am sure I couldn't manage the 100.

Great Blog, thank you.

7:27 PM  

10. We know where we're wanted.
14. I'd give mine a cool last name like "Unicorn."
15. hee
16. hee hee
23. What's the diet?
24. Tease. Please tell me you don't desecrate it with ketchup.
26. More for me!
33. Okay, you're bi, we get it!
36. I concur.
40. You're definitely bucking the norm.
44. Awwww. I like her.
45. Gracias.
46. I need sheets that can get cold, but they're tough to come by in a place obsessed with high thread counts. That hot-ass fabric tries to smother me. I avoid "linen" because it reminds of the dweebs in The Sure Thing.
47. Whoo-hoo, one-a-day!
50. Just one? I assumed it was always a years-long process.
53. So we're special?
60. Me either.
66. Canada's.
72. Shyeah! Like near-death w/ operating-room lights is so special. This makes more sense. I'm sure you know more about Water symbolism than I do.
75. Okay, DanielJackson.
80. Well done.
81. Not possible, though you may not consider the intel classified.
84. Are you sure you weren't in BizarroWorld?
85. You can have 'em.
89. Do VCR/cable boxes count?
91. ?!?!
92. Me either.
93. [Gasp!] I felt like a snob until now! And if it's an acronym, at least use all caps so I know how to approach it.
94. I'm not very good at it, and I feel I should use all 80 min. of my CD-R, so I have to choose songs carefully (i.e. What Would Monk Do?).
95. I'm a tiger in this one.
96. Apart from being a Red Hat lady, why?
98. Yes! Especially the idea that the h.s. or college years are the best ones of your life and you should be happy not paying bills. Bills mean I can drive and don't have (especially family) obligations!
100. Cheater.

8:51 PM  

Everyone should own more books than pairs of shoes. Sadly, many don't.

12:08 AM  

Hey! 100 is not cheating, because it was true :) But here's another one -- I have green eyes that change shades depending on my mood. When I'm mad, they're almost black.

You can have all the rice, please. I only eat it when it's fried and has veggies and meat in it :)

Net speak makes me crazy because I was an English major and how hard is it exactly to take ten seconds and type out a damn word???

I love downloading music. I love eMusic.com. It's cheap and you get like 3 cds a month for 10 bucks. Plus, it's all good music! It's not radio play pop. All independent artists who get a nice share of the profits. Plus, they give away entire albums in their free download sections on a regular basis. So, I generally get five to six new cds a month, for $10. It's awesome.

And no. I don't have a cell phone. I know. It's sad. But I don't have one because I can't afford one atm, and well, when work gave me one I only used it occasionally. I always forgot to charge the damned thing.

And my diet? Well...seriously, I started drinking only diet drinks or non-sugared drinks most of the time. I limit myself to no more than one or two full-leaded sodas a day. I also limit myself to going out to eat or picking up something in the drive through to no more than twice a week. Saves money too. Plus, I added more fruit and fish to my diet. I almost never eat red meat anymore. Like I said, it wasn't my intention to lose weight, it was a byproduct. I lose about a pound a week and I make my doctors very happy. And so, since I also generall feel better this way, and since it's not a real diet and I let myself have ice cream when I want it, I can live with it.

All the old ladies in my life seem much, much happier than anyone else. Both my grandmothers are in their 70s and they just...they're free. They can do whatever they want, whenever they want. Beholden to no one, no job, no man, no nothing. One of my grandmothers goes on these long vacations every year with a bunch of her old lady friends. We call them the Crazy Ole Ladies :) They load into my gramma's minivan, pull out a map, decide where to go and just go. That's what I want. I want that kind of freedom and it seems to me you only get that freedom when you're an old woman.

French onion dip mix. That's the secret to my meatloaf :) But that's all you're getting! You have to come visit and I'll make it for ya. Yep.

Therapy lasts as long as you need it to, usually. Me, I was ready to talk :) I actually thought I was going into therapy to lean how to deal with my Lupus, but noooo...it was all about my family and religion and shit. And you know, once I got that dealt with, my illness eased up. All the stress and pressure was bad bad bad for me.

7:49 AM  

48. I have migraines so bad that the doctors initially thought I was having seizures.
49. I have managed to 'cure' my migraines by taking 500 mgs of magnesium a day. It's cheap, it works and I can get it anywhere.

woah - really? that's it?

no shit.

I feel a little less weird/crazy/defective knowing that someone else in the world has that could-be-migraine-could-be-seizure thing. and wow - just an ordinary drugstore thing can fix it! that changes everything!

8:42 AM  

Seriously, a $4 bottle of magnesium keeps my migraines at bay. I did a little research and found out that about 60 percent of the people who have migraines are magnesium defecient on the cellular level. Which means that you can have a test and your mag level will come back normal, but a more sophistocated test can see that you're low on a cellular level.

My doctor started me out on 1000 mg of mag for two weeks, then down to 500 every day as a maintenance. I haven't had a headache since. And when I get the first twinges of one, I take an extra dose and it goes away fast.

It is the most amazing thing. I was on medication that was like 250 bucks a bottle and it had stopped working. So now, I spend 4 bucks and am pain free ;) Yay!

12:44 PM  

Ooh, green eyes! Hey, James Lee Burke had way more green-eyed characters than occur in nature. Is that a Lou's'anna thing?

Perfect deal on the rice. ABout the only way I don't like it is fried, although takeout is probably not the best kind of fried rice.

You can have freedom now, or when you're able to take vacation from your real job. I can pick up and go with little or no notice, I just don't want to travel alone.

Two paragraphs after netspeak, you wrote "atm"! I too was an English major. For a long time, I thought people were idiots or that "Teh Internets" was a typo. I also hate w00t and other useless crap.

Please don't tell me ingredients or cooking details. Knowing how food is prepared can gross me out. I've been eating pasta or pizza. This week, I had each with baby romaine.

Is that $4 a day? Is it green liquid?

9:34 PM  

It is not, in fact, a green liquid. It's a buncha white pills. And it's $4 a month, not a day. One bottle a month keeps the migraines away and I can remain a functioning human being. Whoooo.

I don't know if the green eyes is a Louisiana thing. I think it has something to do with the sheer amount of Scots/Irish and French people we have down here. Genetics will win :) On my Dad's side of the family, the green eyes come from my Grandmother. But my brother has icky blue eyes and my Mom's side of the family has brown or hazel eyes. So maybe it's just that I have recessive genetics? Which means I gotta find me a green-eyed man to father my baby or my kid may be outta luck. Huh.

ATM? Heh, I never said I wasn't sometimes a hypocrite :) But at least that one sorta makes sense. (At the moment, by the way)

I'd like to win the lottery so I wouldn't have to worry about working again. Or marry someone really rich.

Pasta and pizza with romaine sounds good to me. Share?

I still haven't heard from that job, so I'm assuming I didn't get it :( Dammit. This means I gotta go back to sending out applications. Grrr.

7:20 AM  

Might a blue-eyed man not provide you with a green-eyed baby? I thought there was dominant & recessive, not degrees of each.

I guess you shouldn't capitalize "atm" for "at the moment. I was thinking how I hate the redundancy of "ATM machine," "PIN number" and "RBIs."

I can totally share the pasta on a bed of romaine, because what the romaine lets me do is eat just half the box of pasta in one sitting. The first time, I used so much romaine that I was quite pleasantly full. Often, I'm hungry even after eating all the damn pasta. I also use more chicken w/ the romaine; I had had three tenderloins that were more strips than tenderloins.

6:49 PM  

$4 a month! Good deal.

I forgot they don't tell you you're not hired. :| I've only had this one job. Before I got it, I applied for over 100. In fact, my college pre-Y2K b&w laptop still had a file w/ the job ad text and the # I assigned it. It may have been 144.

Weren't there two LA jobs you were up for? And what happened w/ the D.C. job?

6:52 PM  

Green and blue are both recessive, if I remember my high school biology right, which means we'd likely have a hazel eyed baby with neither gene being dominant. At least, I think that's what I remember. I could be wrong...

8:22 PM  

Actually....I have unofficially been offered the BR job ;) I talked to the guy this afternoon, but he said his boss had to sign off on it first before he could officially offer it to me. But as soon as his boss gets in, he'll get approval and officially call me. So, I have the job, so long as nothing really out there happens :) Fear not, when I get the official word everyone will know about it :) I'll be blogging happily...and just wait until you see the posts I'll be making about the job I currently have but haven't done because I dinna want to get fired ;)

8:25 PM  

Oh, no! They will not be prepared for your mighty wrath.

6:39 PM  

Oh, they cannot even imagine my wrath :) I am giddy with anticipation of doing my exit interview so I can tell them what I really think :) ANd just wait until you see the post on corporate media ownership I post. Mwhahahahaha. :)

6:46 PM  

And if you were told that you had 100 days to live..

How would you live them exactly?

2:55 AM  

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