Sunday, July 16, 2006
To bleed or not to bleed -- is that really the question?
But I just don't want my period. I don't. I don't love it, I don't need it, I don't feel any attachment to it. Give me a pill to make it stop and I'm a happy girl. Seriously. It's just blood. It doesn't mean anything more to me than a cut on my finger does. I have no plans to ever have children, so that basic function isn't even something I really need.
I object to people, particularly other women, trying to guilt me into loving my period. I just don't love it. I don't. It's not in me, okay? I don't think about it too much, because my periods themselves aren't really big events. I'm one of those lucky women who are very regular, so I'm rarely surprised by it. It's always the same length, always about the same amount of blood. Which, for me, isn't much. I'm really lucky. I don't have to change pads but once a day. So, really, for me it's kind of a non-event. There are five days a month when I can't wear white. Big deal. Whoo hoo. Where's the party?
No one has ever tried to make me feel guilty or ashamed because of my period. At least, not since I got past puberty. Sure, at that age people were weird about it. But frankly, kids at that age are weird about everything. No one has ever tried to make me not do things because I've got my period. There are things I don't like to do on my period -- not wild about swimming -- but really? It's a non-issue. There are exceptions. Sometimes I get really bad ones and have to double up my pain meds. And I've had a few instances where the pain was so bad I stayed home from work. But that's maybe once or twice a year. On the whole, eh. I don't really care so much. And if I don't care so much, and it doesn't matter to me, why should I be compelled to experience it?
Again, it's one of those "My body, my choice" issues to me. I don't get why this is even an issue. (Now, I understand why the marketing of the pill is an issue. But that's not the same issue and yet, it all gets dumped together.)
While my period is no problem, I do have a problem with PMS. Let me state this really clearly -- I have a problem with PMS. Which makes me feel kinda bad, since in most parts I agree with Happy's take on it.
For more women, PMS isn't a big problem. For me? Yeah. It is. Actually, my doctors say I'm borderline PMDD which is bad, bad, bad. So, I'm the exception to the PMS isn't a huge deal rule. Which makes me not want to talk about it too much, since I don't want my experiences to be thrown up against women in general.
For me, the two weeks before my period are generally very rough. It varies from month to month, but usually I start to get really, really angry. I mean irrationally angry. I got pissed off once because I had to pay for my gas before I could pump it. I was just furious and why? My rational mind knows it's no big deal. But I was just...it was crazy. I've gotten so pissed off at people I wouldn't speak to them for weeks. For no real reason, except that my brain chemistry was Fucked. Up.
So, explain to me please, why I (and people around me!) have to endure that trauma when there's a pill that could put an end to it all? Since my PMS/PMDD is brought about my changing hormone levels and the BC pill can stablize/regulate/suppress that shifting, why shouldn't I take it?
If I can have a better life through pharmacology, why shouldn't I?