Butterfly Cauldron

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Two days gone

Emmy left Tuesday morning. I feel like my heart has been torn out. Little things are making me cry. Her coffee cup in the sink. A headband she left behind. The t-shirts that didn't fit in her suitcase. It all makes me break down and when I cry, it's a torrent. Even the cats are mourning. Rain clings to me as though she's afraid I'll disappear too.

And this didn't have to happen. If our immigration laws were decent, if they let citizens sponsor same-sex partners, if we had a visa for people who were looking for work and had willing sponsors, if if if. But we don't. There's no way for people in same-sex relationships to bring their partners into the country legally. And, when Emmy finds work here and gets a work visa, she'll only be able to stay in the country legally as long as her job lasts.

There is a chance, because she is trans and still legally male, that we can get her here on a fiance visa. A chance. But when it comes out that she is trans, it's likely that the visa would be denied. We could just get married and hope for the best, but it's the same situation. The visa would likely be denied, because it is the policy of the US Government to deny transgendered people the right to immigrate on a spousal visa. So, even if we got married legally (which we could in Louisiana, because Louisiana does not legally recognize transgendered people as their true gender until SSR has been preformed), we would still not be allowed to live together full-time in this country.

How is this fair? How is this even the slightest bit right? And it's so very easy to remedy. Legalize same-sex marriage at the federal level. Extend to all couples, regardless of gender, the legal right to marry. Immigration rights, insurance rights, visitation rights, adoption rights, full and complete equality under the law. If the genders of the people marry did not marry, Emmy and I could apply for a fiance visa and be certain it would be granted. We could know that our separation was not only temporary, it had a definate end date. It wouldn't keep me from crying, but it would help me to know when I could hold her again.

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posted by Zan at 5:38 PM


I didn't know anti-gay laws affected transgendered people this way. Thanks for explaining there's more at stake than politicians' one-liners about visiting each other in the hospital (as though people in same-sex couples are constantly ill).

It sounds like Emmy's been good for you; I hope this works out for you.

6:54 PM  

I miss you so much. This sucks.

6:55 PM  

It's beyond sucky.
It blows.

11:58 AM  

((((Zan))))) I am so sorry!

Can I link this post this week? If its too personal, let me know. But in my experience, people react and learn more from personal experiences.

4:10 PM  

Damn this is a hateful policy. When Mr C and I decided that we had to live together the only obstacle was deciding where. The idea that just because the genders are different the whole situation changes is kind of mindblowing. Why? It makes no sense.

Hugs to both of you.

1:56 AM  

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